This past month I have been dealt a harsh reality. I have been entitled and arrogant in believing that others would find enjoyment or pride in my ability to pay my bills.
During Christmas this year, my sister was home from college and talking about the good grades that she was getting. My parents and Grandma were very proud of her for this, which is awesome. I am proud too, but I was stuck up in my own head about how no one was praising me for keeping a roof over my head or holding a job (Hello, Jealousy Monster!). I ruined my own holiday over this. Of course, they’re not going to praise me for that, and how arrogant and entitled of me to expect them to. My sister has exciting things up and coming that are joyful to think about. There isn’t anything joyful about my ability to do exactly what I need to and my parents have been doing that same thing for us for years without any recognition. What would make me so special?
Valuing Yourself and What You Do
I am not saying that I don’t deserve to feel good about paying my bills just because everyone else does it too. It is a big deal and I deserve to feel good about it. My family, also, cares about me and my success. The problem lies in my expectation that they are going to pat me on the back for something that I should be proud of myself for.
Self- efficacy is one’s belief in their own ability to succeed or accomplish a task, and self-reliance is the reliance on oneself or one’s own powers. These are mindsets that I need to work on and that add to the journey of self-love and acceptance.
I am the master of hosting pity parties. It’s one of my flawed coping mechanisms that I’m working on. Although, it is human to throw one every so often, it has become apparent that mine come up too often and are fueled by insecurity.
Adulthood is scary. It is normal to feel the need to be validated by others who have been there, but there is a difference between asking for advice and guidance and expecting praise.
Self-esteem is something that I have struggled with since middle-school. A person’s self esteem is their overall emotional evaluation of their worth and a judgement of themselves as well as an attitude toward themselves. With too little self-regard a person can fall into depression, or tolerate abusive relationships and situations (link hep site). These behaviors are both related to relying on others for approval and value. Too much self-esteem can turn into self-righteousness which is a sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures.
In this situation, I had a concoction of both. I started by seeking approval and praise from my parents because I was insecure in my own ability to provide for myself. Then, when I didn’t receive what I was looking for I made it their fault rather than placing the blame on my own expectations and attitude.
Luckily for me, the people in my life are steadfast. They know when they are right and hold their ground when questioned. It became known to me, quickly, that I was attempting to place the worth of my actions onto others and seeking validation. I should be proud of myself, and that is what they were trying to tell me by not giving me the praise that I was seeking. I pay the bills for me; therefore, it has no effect on anyone else whether I do or don’t. If I need approval and acknowledgement it needs to come from me. I can give myself a big pat on the back, cheer for myself as I put the envelopes in the mailbox, whatever it takes. This is all me and I can take pride in that all on my own.