A recent realization of mine is that, I am a control freak. Now, I don’t believe that being controlling is as bad as everyone makes it seem, as long as it is well-intentioned and directed appropriately. I might learn later that I am wrong, and so be it. For now though, I believe that it is powerful to know what you can and cannot control and use that controlling nature to create your best life.
The first step of this is to realize that we live in a culture and a society that is heavily focused on the future and uses the past to justify actions and outcomes in the present. These views come from a place of unconsciousness. Breaking them sounds simple, but takes practice.
All We Can Control is Now
It is great to plan for the future and it is helpful and inspiring to do so, but the fact of the matter is that all we can control is now. Mindfulness and consciousness is all about placing trust in yourself and whatever greater power you believe in to lead you to your best future through your actions today, in this moment.
By taking the natural controlling nature that we as humans have, and focusing it on the decisions that we make moment to moment we can create our future step by step. Before I make this sound preachy because I am excited and I truly believe in this shit, let me give you a quick personal example of what I’m talking about.
In all of my past relationships I have tried to force the both of us into exactly what I want. I have tried to skip steps in the process and just get to the happily ever after as quickly as possible. All of this is future orientated. I know what I want, there is nothing wrong with that, but I haven’t put the work in to get there, so surprise, surprise, it doesn’t work out for me.
What I should do instead, is take each moment as it comes, and be fully present in those moments. I can control my current moment by deciding that I love it, or changing the situation so that I do love it. Going along with the relationship example, by doing this I build those memories and significant relationship building moments until I end up with the relationship that I am striving for, or maybe something even better. That’s the hope anyway. If for some reason it doesn’t work out, I have less to be upset about. Because I spent the whole relationship in control of my own happiness and enjoyment, I will leave that relationship knowing that I was honest, open and did everything that I could to make it work and it didn’t. I have nothing to regret.
All We Can Control Is Ourselves
What I have also realized recently is that I have been trying to control others. My intentions have been good, because I believed that what I was doing was making their lives better, but I was overstepping. It is none of my business how someone else decides to live their lives. All I can do is live mine as my authentic self, and hope that others will do the same.
Not only can I not control what others do, but I also cannot control how others react or process. This includes what they think about me. What I can control are my actions and reactions toward these people. I have a really great example of this here, if you’d like to read it, about road rage. I am guilty.
By becoming aware of ourselves enough to realize that we cannot control anything but this present moment and our actions in this moment, we take an incredible amount of stress off of our shoulders. We learn to recognize that everyone is on their own path, and we need to respect the choices of others. They are learning too, and we cannot learn for them. By focusing our attention on our present moment and making choices in this moment, we are building our future and ensuring that we will reach our goals when it is time to.
Feel free to share any stories you have related to this topic! I would love to know that I am not the only control freak out there! haha
Thank you so much for reading! Love you all!